Social Media Killed my Confidence

02.16.17

social media killed my confidence, fashionlush, style blogger

Sometimes I post for you guys, & other times I post for me.

Today is one of those days, I am posting for me- but I have a feeling/really hope it’s gonna hit home with some people. Here goes nothing…

Social media has killed my confidence.

Way back when, I had this pep in my step ALL the time. By no means was I walking around like I was Victoria Beckham, but I held my head high, stood up straight, & was just all around confident. I walked into rooms, I smiled, I greeted people, I was jolly as fuck.

MIND YOU, my back in the day was pre-Instagram (MySpace generation!), so I didn’t wake up every morning greeted by a feed of stunning women, women probably actually woke up like that, women in such better shape than me posting photos at the gym while I am eating a cinnamon roll, women on magical vacations in magical places doing magical shit, women wearing purses that cost as much as my car, Russian women so pretty it’s almost unbelievable posing with their gorgeous model like children holding a bouquet of 600 red roses (you know these women!!!).

SO MANY SEEMINGLY PERFECT WOMEN.

How could your confidence not get slaughtered?

The thing is, & I think we all know this, everyone is really only posting there top shelf moments. You do it, I do it, we all do it. Even that gorgeous Russian Mom does it- I guarantee you she is not jumping at the bit to document for the world the time when her perfect model child took a dump on the carpet & the perfectly groomed dog stepped in it and tracked it all over the perfectly clean house & then jumped on the perfect white couch, knocking over the vase of 600 red roses.

& even though we really ALL know this deep down in our heart of hearts- it’s hard to convince yourself of it when staring at the most perfect of perfect feeds all the damn time. It’s a breeding ground for making people feel inadequate, & I’m just kinda over it.

Not only does it just feel shitty to NOT be confident, not only are confident girls really the prettiest, but when you’re lacking confidence… you more often than not come off unapproachable (which is a vicious cycle, cause people not talking to you only dings your confidence more!).

Trust me, I have been here way too many times. I have had friends tell me often when they first met me they thought I was a total bitch w/ a death stare. NICE, right? If only they knew behind that supposed death stare is probably an anxiety attack going on in my head while I figure out how to not be super awkward.

social media killed my confidence, fashionlush, style blogger

Now… back to why this post is selfish of me. Stella needs to get her groove back!!! I have been hanging out w/ my BFF Google all morning & have rounded up a few new things I plan to start incorporating in my life in an attempt to restore some much needed mojo!

READY, SET, GO: 

1. Fake Till’ You Make It: Dress the part, act the part, play the part. Even if you’re not feeling it, putting in the effort to look the part will make you more confident alone & then playing the part more often turns from faking it to real life real quick.

2. Body Language: body language can instantly help you appear more self assure. If your slouched over with your head down, that screams insecurity. Stand up straight, pull your shoulders out of your ears, align your spine, keep eye contact, & make sure you have a strong handshake.

3. Positive Thoughts, Positive Actions: again, I am super into energy. Good energy = good outcomes. Avoid negative conversations, negative chatter in your head, & force yourself to think of the glass half full. Even if you don’t wake up feeling positive, forcing it will eventually turn into it.

4. Gratitude Journal: at the end of the day- write down in a journal the highs of your day, 2-3 daily accomplishments, & anything else you are grateful for!

5. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone: do something everyday that makes you uncomfortable, but will help you grow. Inaction will breed doubt & fear, action breeds confidence & courage.

6. Stop Seeking Approval: Not all people agree on all things, so stop looking to others for approval to what your doing/wearing/saying. Focus on quality over quantity & ignore peoples negative opinions. Let go of the need to impress everyone, & just work on impressing the people who really matter.

7. Be Responsible: take ownership of your thoughts & stop letting every obstacle be an excuse, instead make plans bigger than all excuses!

8. Trust Your IntuItion: your intuition comes deep from within your subconscious & can be derived from previous experiences… so always listen to it first and foremost. Trusting yourself from within will help you really believe in yourself & thus- BUILD CONFIDENCE.

9. Speak w/ Intention: aka, no more weak language. Own what you say & say it like you believe it… even if you don’t. I.E. for me, I always get super awk when people ask what I do because I don’t know if they will take me seriously when I say I am a BLOGGER, but no more of that shit…!!!

10. Don’t Let Success Get to Your Head, or Failure to Your Heart: YES! love this one- don’t take things that go wrong too personally & don’t let things that go right make you have a big head. Be humble & always be learning!!

If you guys have any tips as well- LMK & if you ever see me out in public with a death stare… I probably am over analyzing 500 things & swear I am so nice and want to say hi! x, E

social media killed my confidence, fashionlush, style blogger

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  • Thanks you love!!! soon <3 xoxo

  • thanks you babe! xo

  • <3<3

  • AC

    Love this!! I always am told that I come off as bitchy or that it looks like I don’t “see” people when I’m usually just panicking and playing out various scenarios in my head of how to act!!

  • Thank you lady <3 I hope we run into eachother babe!!

  • Thanks babe! You’re the best <3

  • Thanks babe! it’s definitely such an internal thing I feel like so many people deal with- even people you’d never imagine. that workout story- I so feel you. Gyms in general are just hard cause you feel all the fit people are judging you (when in reality they aren’t!).

    xoxo

  • thanks Jayne!! x

  • Richelle!! Thank you SO much for all this information. I have never heard of being highly sensitive- but everything you says hits home big time. I am googling it now :).

    Thank you!!! x, E

  • Thank you so much for the sweet words Sarah!!

  • thank you so so much lady! i love everything you said- perfectly put & yes- so over the facade!! Hopefully people start showing a more real side of things. Hope to run into you one day! x, E

  • Such a good idea turning off Instagram notifications! I am gonna do that! Thank you for your support always <3 xo

  • Thank you lady! I love the idea of sharing three things I am grateful for everyday- I am gonna start doing that!! x, E

  • OMG – I JUST posted about getting a gratitude journal too. It sounds so manageable and I bet the results/outcome are so worth it. Check out my post here : http://bit.ly/2lBDkt4

    Thanks for sharing – we’re all on the same page girl! Social media can totally be your worst enemy.

    Christina | http://www.cuddlepill.com

  • Can totally relate to this post! I swear people think I’m ignorant when I first meet them, as like you say I’m so awkward and slightly go into panic mode in my head! At nearly 35 I should be over this lol! I love your tips and definitely need to apply them in my daily life – especially not shying away to say that I am a blogger!
    Heather xx
    http://www.suncreamandsparkles.com

    • Thanks lady :) I totally feel ya- like I should’ve grown out of this already!

  • 7. Be Responsible: take ownership of your thoughts & stop letting every obstacle be an excuse, instead make plans bigger than all excuses!

    Loved this part – so damn true mama,

    I feel like people can think what they want – but also reading captions and giving people a chance is key :)

    Love ur shit!
    xo
    Krista
    http://www.hundredblog.com

    • Aww! thank you Krista <3 I totally agree.

  • Olivia

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this. especially “Let go of the need to impress everyone, & just work on impressing the people who really matter,” that’s something I really struggle with but I’ve realized when you spend all that energy on the people you love, you get way more accomplished anyway and feel better when you do. Thanks for this post!! <3

  • Lianna Bowers

    Thank you so much for this honest post! Of all the social media accounts, IG has definitely made it difficult to feel adequate all of the time because of the insane influx of beautiful people. It’s this crazy balance of wanting to reflect the highlights of your own life without having to plan your posts to look so perfect that it takes away your authenticity. We’re all guilty of staging photos so they look good, but the other day I saw these girls outside of a fundraiser with a reflector and professional light trying to get the perfect photo in front of the ALS awareness sign and was completely disgusted. You have to draw a line somewhere! Thanks again for the post. It makes some of us feel normal!

    • I feel ya girl. It’s so intense & that ALS story is horrific. We need more realness :(

  • Arianna Georgi

    Good Post lady, but honestly, all those perfect as f*(ck, here’s my new handbag, I’m jetting off to XYZ bloggers and Insta people keep sooooo boring after a while. I mean sure, I love a good vacation post, or amazing outfit as much as the next person but when it’s all perfect bodies, bags, vacations all the time it’s dull. I’d rather read bloggers with style but also REAL content so keep doing what you’re doing.

    • SO BORING! I agree, it’s such a snooze fest. xoxoox

  • Tiffany McGoff

    LOVE THIS POST!!!!! Thank you! And we love you! So don’t doubt that ever! xoxo

  • absolutely!! Thank you so much Kami :) xx

  • rachel

    awesome post… i just started following you a few months ago. and im getting caught up on all things erica! i love your authenticity and trying to find that in myself while building my blog and my brand. keep it up.

    • Thank you lady!!! That’s so great you’re building a blog- send me the link! x

  • rachel

    “Trust me, I have been here way too many times. I have had friends tell me often when they first met me they thought I was a total bitch w/ a death stare. NICE, right? If only they knew behind that supposed death stare is probably an anxiety attack going on in my head while I figure out how to not be super awkward.” —- ive also let this run my life of why i dont have a girl gang “squad”…. and the confidence. thank you so much for inspiring me to not feel bad of all things you have mentioned in this post!!!

    • so glad it helped you Rachel!! You are def. not alone lady :)

  • GINA RIBANDO

    This is so god damn refreshing! Thank you for writing this and bringing women together!