Hi, I’m Erica, & I am a habitual people pleaser.
It’s one of my worst traits.
Here’s the thing- I just want to say YES to everything & everyone. I like making people happy & I like doing favors for people, & that causes me a lot of stress. Yet I am more often than not biting off more than I can chew & causing myself a lot of stress, while neglecting the things I need to do… or more importantly the things I want to do.
I like to get a weekly blow out, get my nails done, maybe get a facial… those things may sound a little petty, but they are important to my sanity, & I have to give those up A LOT because I commit to doing things for other people vs. doing things for myself. Not to mention the workload…. all in all, it’s just not a HEALTHY .
Feeling like you can’t say no is one thing (that’s on someone else being way too pushy), but feeling like you just don’t want to say no is a whole other beast. Not saying no is like not taking your daily vitamins or brushing your hair- you are not practicing good self care by saying yes all the damn time, even when you REALLY can’t/don’t want to.
Not to mention, people pleasing just masks who you really are & what YOU want.
If you put other peoples needs before yours, do anything at all costs to avoid conflict, do things cause you feel obligated, can’t make decisions, compromise your time for others, & have a hard time thinking about the future… chances are, you’re probably a people pleaser too. I feel like a lot of people are actually people pleasers, but don’t even know it. Honestly, I didn’t know it until I stumbled across some Pinterest graphic a few weeks ago that has helped me figure out some ways to NOT be such a people pleaser all the damn time.
I am trying, slowly, to change my people pleasing way, & thought it’d be fun to break down the few things I have been actively doing to people please less, & do me more. YA FEEL?
7 steps to break a people pleasing habit
1. ask for help: you can’t always be the one being asked, you can ask too sometimes. Personally, I hate to burden other people, which goes back to being a people pleaser. I don’t want someone else to people please me, which is why I hired someone specifically there to help me. I also am getting better about asking Zack at home when I need help with something, versus trying not to burden him when in reality, he’d be happy to help.
2. don’t over apologize: I am the queen of over apologizing, so much so, I’ve been told it’s annoying. I AGREE. It’s annoying for others, & annoying for me. I read a quote that said “‘NO’ is a complete sentence. It does not require justification or explanation.”. I am LIVING by the quote right now. You can just say no, nicely, without explaining or apologizing until you’re blue in the face.
3. stop worrying about confrontation: I always say, I am straight up allergic to confrontation. Nothing makes my palms sweat more than the thought of a confrontation. This one is harder to break, but slowly I am noticing, saying no doesn’t result in some crazy confrontation. Surprisingly, people are pretty chill with other people’s boundaries. & if there is confrontation, you deal with it, explain yourself, & move the fuck on.
4. but always be honest: just be straight up & transparent about WHY you can’t do something… IF & ONLY IF you feel an explanation is necessary. Most cases, like I said, you don’t need to explain yourself. But if you’re just trying to quit a people pleasing habit, honesty is always the best policy.
5. set a time limit: for when I am still saying YES to things, I time block it. I will set an alarm and spend a specific amount of time on someone else’s task, & then back to my own. It may take me a few days to complete whatever the other person needs. So managing my time to make sure the stuff I need to do takes priority.
6. be fair to yourself & others: consult your schedule when asked to do something & be fair to your time… ask yourself “if I take this on, is it fair to me & the people around me”. Don’t sacrifice quality time with your loved ones to help please someone else… cause that’s just not fair;
7. acknowledge your own needs & put them FIRST: ya know- a nail appointment may not be everyone’s priority, but it is mine, so I am gonna just put that first before doing things for others. I can not express enough the importance of self care, for your health & your sanity. You do you first, then you can MAYBE do other’s.
what I’m wearing:
like a suit… but with a twist. if you know me, you know the bigger the bell… the BETTER. Super bells are elongating, figure flattering, & literally make your legs look 10 inches longer.
♥ ♥ ♥
Show me Your Mumu black trouser bell bottoms | tuxedo blazer (this one is sold out- super similar style here!) | Gucci Marmont fanny pack (got it on Tradesy, always check for them when they’re in stock!!) | Superga flatform sneakers | black oval sunglasses (budget style here!)
the edit | big ass bells & hot blazers
[ PHOTOS BY ARIELLE LEVY ]